Nigella Bites Recap

I've waxed passionately about my unabashed love for Nigella Lawson. She is my role model. I don't know how she pulls off being smart and witty and approachable but she does. I've been remiss not to do a recap of one of her shows. She's had two shows, Nigella Bites and Forever Summer, which have been broadcast on the Style Network. Unfortunately, there are only about 10 episodes of each series and I have eight of them on my DVR. I've watched each of them like five gazillion times.

Entertaining
Nigella starts the episode setting the table in her dining room while recounting a story of a disastrous dinner party her friend threw. It seems like said friend had an ambitious dinner planned and said dinner was making her miserable. Nigella describes the meal as "more and more delicious courses and more and more hysteria." This sets up Nigella to tell us how to entertain without bursting into tears. And yes there have been times I broke into tears. Actually, when I did a Thanksgiving dinner during my study abroad year in Englad, I did end up smashing plates in frustration. I'd like to point out that like every other aspect of Nigella's life, her dining room is exactly the kind of dining room I want to have. Unpretentious and a little cluttersed with built-in bookscases on three sides.

Anyway her solution to sane dinner parties is to have the equivalent of a Middle Eastern mezze where there's "lots of lovely bowls of lots of lovely food all on th e table at once." This ensures that you actually get to enjoy the dinner with your friends. Her first dish is string beans wrapped in proscuitto. She apologizes for the 80's chi-chi impression that wrapping string beans in prosciutto can give but the assembly is easy and straightforward. She then gives us persmission to dress up bought items by adding Greek yogurt to bought hummas and deocrating with olive oil and toasted pine nuts. There's something about the conversational erudition of her speech that is at once casual and intellectual at the same time. She doesn't take this stuff seriously.

Her next dish is guacamole which she mashes with a fork. She uses six avacadoes, spring onions and a healthy amount of limes. Her tip is to dissolve the salt in the lime juice so that it is evenly distributed throughout the guacamole. She sprinkles chopped cilantro over the whole thing and then abashedly wipes down the sides of her serving bowl to make her guacamole look neater. She reminds the audience that she's normally fairly lazy about such things. In another bit of quirkiness, she informs the audience that salad is the only thing she is a purist about. It has to be either a green salad or a red salad (i.e. toMAHtoes).

This segues into the dinner scene where this actually appears to be a dinner party she's throwing as opposed to some contrived audience to coo over her cooking. She ducks out quickly to cook some tiger prawns with garlic and chili (a fairly ubiquitous ingredient in modern British cooking). Segue back to dinner and the jovial buzz of real conversation. There's some perfunctory thanking of Nigella for dinner but none of the contrived compliments you hear on other cooking shows (cough) Ina (cough).

She then talks about how the popularity of Caesar salad. Her twist is to add roast potatoes instead of croutons. She warms her eggs in boiling water with a match which supposedly keeps the egg from running everywhere if it cracks open. She learned it from her great aunt. In a wooden bowl she tears some Romaine lettuce, adds olive oil, Worchestershire sauce, lemon, the eggs and tosses with her hands. She then adds the potatoes and an ungodly amount of parmesan.

Her next dinner party starts with the preparation of a rhubarb "jelly" (the british term for jello). She poaches rhubarb in water and sugar in the oven. She pulls out her leaf gelatin which she poetically describes as a fairly tale princess's castle window. She softens them in cold water for five minutes. Then Nigella strains the rhubarb and recommends using the rhubarb for breakfast with Greek yogurt. She admires the luscious pink color of the juice and then pours a half bottle of muscat wine to make a liter of liquid. She heats the liquid in a small saucepan and turns off the heat. Making muaaah noises as if she's describing a creature from the deep, she squeezes the googly leaf gelatin and melts it in the heated liquid and then adds it to the rest of hte liquid. Nigella pours her liquid jelly into a proper (one with crevicies and crinolations) plastic mold.

Then there the requisite viewing of the contents of Nigella's freezer where she pulls out little baggies of wine she's frozen for cooking purposes. She defends this method by saying it works perfectly fine thank you very much. The main course of this dinner party is a loin of pork that she lays on top of sliced onions (with the skin). She slathers the loin of pork with a mixture of garlic infused olive oil, bay leaves, peppercorns and salt and then puts a little set of spare ribs next to the pork on the roasting pan. We get a view of Nieglla putting the pork in the oven from a pot hanging from her ceiling. Don't ask me why. It's arty.

She adds water and white wine to the pork juices on the bottom of the pan and then simmers it on the stovetop to reduce the juices. Taking the spare ribs as her cook's treat, she munches down on the ribs with aplomb. Inexplicably she makes a salad of flat leaf parsley, onions and capers with a dressing of olive oil and lemon juice. As I think parsley tastes like a new mown lawn, I think the salad vile. She goes on about how wonderful the salad is and that she finds reasons to make it time and again, although (in a quoteworthy statement), "pleasure is reason enough. WORD Nigella.

Nigella slices the pork, arranges it on a platter, and decorates the plate with bay leaves "in a Napoleonic flourish." she then serves it to a table rich with conversation. Back in the kitchen Nigella unmolds the "jelly" and serves it wobbling to the table to her Algonquin round table. We end the episode with the jelly being served and guests pouring double cream onto their plates of jelly. And a final note has Nigella raiding the fridge for leftover prawns. Just like me!!!! I LURVE Nigella.

Not food related but funny

Since I'm going to a certain conference for LGBT activists, I decided I needed to know what kind of postmodernist I am.


You are a Gender Nazi. Your boundary-crossing
lifestyle inspires awe in your friends and
colleagues. Or maybe they're just scared you
will kick their asses for using gender-specific
language. Either way, the wife-beater helps.


What kind of postmodernist are you!?
brought to you by Quizilla

As it turns out my friends are right, I am a lesbian in a gay man's body.

Traveling to the Other Coast

So next week I'm going back to Cali. Specifically to Oakland for a certain conference for LGBT activists. If I haven't mentioned it before I am from Cali and have a unabashed love for a state where UCLA actually stands for University of Caucasians Lost Among Asians. When I am not in smarty discussions about how to make the world a better place, I will eating. The Bay Area is a food mecca and I will be hanging with my peeps in every good restaurant within a 50 mile radius of said conference. My friend A and I have decided on a plan of attack for Berkeley where will will hit:

Yogurt Park (they have frozen yogurt in these cups the size of milkshakes for like $1.00)
Blondie's Pizza
Noah's Bagels

At some point in the trip I have to hit an In 'n Out. R is taking us to Burma Superstar. I am hoping my brother will take me to Fringale, one of those amazing San Francisco bistros where the food's as good as any four star restaurant in DC but the prices are as if restaurant week was every day.

To my readers who live or are from the Bay Area, anything that I'm missing?

FINALLY! - The long awaited Mac 'n Cheese Recipe

To whoever requested the Mac 'n Cheese recipe, sorry. I just got around to it. I've spent the last week trying to figure out if Eat with Me and Dancerindc are actually parallel dimension versions of J and I.

This Mac 'n Cheese originated from the Fried Green Tomatoes cookbook and is the kind that is baked in a casserole with a crust. Think church lady food. J wanted to up the cheese flavor so he added the paremsan and goat cheese. What's amazing is that you don't taste them, they just make it taste cheesier.

Mac 'n Cheese

2 cups milk
3 tablespoons melted butter
2 tablespoon flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
3 eggs beaten
5 cups cooked elbow macaroni
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
4 oz crumbled goat cheese
1/4 cup of grated parmesan
3/4 freshbreadcrumbs or cracker crumbs(Ritz is the best)

Preheat the over to 350 degrees. Combine first 6 ingredients in a bowl, whisking until smooth. Combine all of the cheeses in another bowl. Layer half of the cooked macaroni in bottom of a greased 9-inch sqaure baking dish. Sprinkle with half of the cheese and layer the remaining macaroni on top. Pour the milk mixture over the macaroni. Sprinkle breadcrumbs on top. Bake for 50 minutes. Sprinkle remaining cheese and continue baking 5 minutes longer until set.

P.S. Rebecca, I asked the Chowhound boards for a pumpkin butter recipe. NOONE RESPONDED. I am such a loser.

A Tale of Two Stuffings

Now back to my reveling of Thanksgiving. This entry was kick started by Eat With Me's Southern Fried Thanskgiving menu. Dude, is your mother Paula Deen? That menu made me hungry and full at the same time.

Last year I engaged in a bloodless coup to take over turkey duty from ym mother. She makes a perfectly fine turkey but I was wondering if my chicken method would work on a turkey. It did, to much acclaim. However, my mother made her "traditional stuffing" for one of the turkeys while I made my cornbread stuffing for the other. My mother's was for the "adults" and mine was for the "kids."

For both you just throw everything into a big bowl and mix, preferably with your hands and then sutff in a turkey. You can put them in a pan to bake alongside the turkey for 45 minutes but for the love of god WHY? I'll let you decide which you like better.

My Mom's Stuffing:

1 package Pepperidge Farm stuffing mix
1 pound of ground pork
1 cup of sliced shitake mushrooms
1 can of garbanzo beans
1 onion chopped
1 cup of finely chopped wood ear mushrooms
1/4 cup finely chopped cilantro
1 tablespoon Maggi seasoning
1 egg
Salt and pepper
Enough canned chicken broth to make the mixture wet (see directions on the stuffing)


My stuffing
1 9 x 9 inch pan of cornbread left to sit out overnight
2 cups of old baguette, cubed
1 cup of frozen whole corn
1 red bell pepper roughly chopped
2 poblano peppers seeded, deveined and roughly chopped
3 green onions chopped
2 cloves of garlic finely chopped
1/4 cup finely chopped cilantro
1 teaspoon of Tony Chachere's
1 teaspoon of cumin
1 egg
1 cup of chicken or vegetable broth

This is great to stuff acorn squash as a vegetarian option.

I never said I was creative

I was inspired by Not for Profit Dad to do a food version.

7 things I make before I die:
1. A timbale like in Big Night
2. a homemade croissant
3. A centerpiece
4. A vodka martini because the gin ones taste like lighter fluid
5. A wedding cake
6. A chicken pot pie
7. A baby (I am counting on the wonders of reproductive technology)
7 things I cannot do in the kitchen:
1. Keep it clean
2. Make Indian food
3. Make an apple fritter
4. Make any recipe written by Sandra Lee
5. Poach a chicken
6. Debone anything
7. Make beans from scratch
7 things that attract me to ta kitchen:
1. Lots of natural lighting
2. A center island
3. A deep sink with two sections (one to soak and one to rinse)
4. An eat-in kitchen
5. Cleanliness
6. Mexican ceramic tile
7. A baker's rack
7 things that I say most often in the kitchen:
1. Mmmmm....
2. It's peanut-butter pasta night
3. Why is the only beverage we have water?
4. There's more in the fridge
5. Sorry for the mess
6. I've made enough for everyone
7. Caramelized onions
7 celebrity crushes in the food world:
1. Nigella Lawson
2. Mario Batali
3. Ming Tsai
4. Kylie Kwong
5. Irof Chef Morimoto
6. Paula Deen
7. J!!!!!
7 people I want to do this: (although you are absolutely not obligated)
1. J
2. The Kitchenette
3. I Hate Broccoli
4. The All I think About is Food Guy
5. The Eat With Me Guy
6. DC Sleeps Alone
7. Auntie Em

Jamba Juice

Can anyone tell me why the Whole Foods on P Street decided to close the Jamba Juice? It was a godsend in the summer. I've written two comment cards asking and got no response. At this point I am not even trying to get it back. I just want to know why.

More random stuff

OH MY GOD. It appears that there might be someone crazier than me on the food blogosphere. Jacinda and Jerry has taken it upon themselves to visit every free-standing Starbucks in the District. They're chronicling it on Sirensongdc. I myself am averse to coffee. The caffeine gives me heart palpitations. The only time I go to Starbucks is to get decaf espresso for tiramisu. Godspeed J and J. I love how 99% of the Starbucks are in NW. I didn't see ANY in NE and only two in SE. NW DC you have sold your soul to the devil.

In other news, I am LOVING my homemade applesauce. I finished the first batch (three jars' worth) in a week. I just finished my first jar of batch two. This stuff is addictive. I simply am astounded by how sweet freshly picked apples are. The only thing added was cinnamon. I encourage everyone to go pick some apples and make applesauce.

Links galore!

So I'm expanding my ode to the Thanksgiving season on DCFud with some recipes for a vegetarian option. and these are good recipes. So good that when I served them for Thanksgiving, a guest who not only ate the turkey but insisted on the hosts serving a fish dish as well, insisted on having one even though I made just enough for the vegetarians.

And since it seems to be tearing up the food blogosphere, I'm including a link to the Rachael Ray article in the New York Times. I think I've made my feelings about Ray Ray fairly clear, but just in case, she and Sandra Lee are Hecate's handmaidens. I was transfixed during 30 Minute Meals when Ray Ray decided that old bread as a perfect substitute for gnocchi. Bread drenched in marinara equals gnocchi. Mmmkay Ray Ray.

Bad manners

As everyone who's read this blog knows, I am constantly puzzled by Ina Garten. On the one hand her recipes are fabulous, she loves gay men, and her kitchen is drool-worthy. On the other hand she has that annoying laugh, her lifestyle is firmly ensconced in the too rich to be relatable category and her friends are uptight and stiff and tend to take their own jokes too seriously. So it was with these mixed feelings I was reading her "Barefoot COntessa Parties" book. I think it reveals what a crazy, co-dependent people-pleaser Ina is. The message of the entire book is to never let your friends know how stressed you are. This is a fine piece of advice up to a point. And that point is when your friends start acting like obnoxious asses. And so I give you this lovely anecdote from Ina:

"Several years ago my 'cool' was really tested. One summer Sunday, I invited eight friends for lunch. A few days before, four people who were coming together said they had an emergency and couldn't come. No problem: I cut back my shopping list and decided to serve lunch in the kitchen.

An hour before the party, two of the people who had conceled earlier called and said they could come after all, was it all rigght? 'Sure,' I said, and sent my husband for some more rolls and lobster salad. Two other guests arrived at the door and said, 'I have a friend in the car, can she come, too?' Now we were up to ten people."

Who pulls this shit? No, seriously, who pulls this shit? I hate to tell you this ina, but you have the most inconsiderate friends on earth. They totally jerked your chain. First they cancel (which is fine since they have her several days notice), but then, with almost no advance notice they decide to come anyway? Even worse what atrocious "friend" decides to fuck up a host's planning and bring extra guests? And these guests were waiting in the car. What if the host was not as co-dependent and said no? You'd be up shit creek.

What does Emily Post say about such behavior?

From the Emily Post Institute:

"Changing a ‘no’ to a ‘yes’ is OK only if it will not upset the hosts’ arrangements."

“May I bring… Don’t even ask! An invitation is extended to the people the hosts want to invite—and no one else."