Wednesday, August 09, 2006

10 Things I Learned From... Martha Stewart Living

So my question to the readers of this blog: Is this 10 Things more or less suprising than the Rachael Ray 10 Things. Because really Martha is just so eeeeevil. I do hate how she just lords it over everyone that things are easy. Making a gold-leaf gingerbread replica of a three story Victorian house is NOT easy. Do you remember when MSL first cmae out and she posted her datebook in the magazine to show all of the fabulous people she dined with? So annoying. But the magazine itself? Kind of useful. I ask for your forgiveness again.

Ten Things I Learned from Martha Stweart Living:


1. The difference between a grunt, a crumble, a buckle, a crisp, and a brown betty.

2. How to make gourmet popsicles with fresh fruit juice.

3. Things lit by candles are so pretty! And also easy as hell. Examples: luminaries in brown paper bags. Halloween pumpkins with stencils of Magritte paintings. Photos printed on vellum lit from behind by a tea candle. Milk glass.

4. Start with a basic dough and make variations. In a lot of MSLs they have a whole section on one thing with five or six variations. Case in point: shortbread.

5. The proportion of sugar and lemon juice to fruit for some pretty kicking jam.

6. It's best not to thank you husband for making your dreams come true unless your dream is to have your husband run off with your assistant.

7. Pretty glass containers make everything pretty. (i.e. nuts in jars. dishwashing liquid in a glass dispensers)

8. How to put together a gift basket. Hint - lots of raffia.

9. It's perfectly legitimate for an adult to subscribe to Martha Stewart Living Kids because the adult crafts are kind of difficult.

10. Do not fuck with Ina Garten. She will CUT you.

5 comments:

Dolphingirl said...

I LOVE Martha...go figure.

ScottE. said...

I have martha's autograph! such a fag!

11. How to tile your swimming pool with cut up credit cards!

So what is the proper proportion of lemon juice to sugar to fruit for the best jam???

Jam...it's a good thing!

DC Food Blog said...

Two tablespoons to three cups and four cups of fruit.

the other rebecca said...

I, too, am a Martha fan. She is truly a domestic goddess, and she taught me that little details (often simple ones) can blow people away. Go to her website and scan the "Good things" section and tell me you don't want to do half of them. I dare you.

Jon said...

How to have a predetermined "sell" price for your stock.

I couldn't resist...