NFNS - Finale

Hosting the LIVE broadcast is Marc Summers. I wish that Food Network had a sense of humor and would drop 50 gallons of green slime on the winner. The final starts with a trip down memory lane and past contestants. Wow, Vivien? Patrick? Nikki? I finally get to someone I remember with Tommy and noone can forget Colombe and her incompetence. Adrien's point of view was Southwestern style healthy comfort food. Whuh? That doesn't even make sense. Name a dish that covers that. Paul and his damn party food and Michael just sounds like he wants people to enjoy eating. That makes me sad he's not in the final. JAG's point of view was Latino Caribe cuisine. Amy gives the first of a zillion chi-chis. God that bugs. Rory and her blue collar bistro crap.

Then we also get Bob and Suzy, and all the past judges. A particular highlight was Giada telling them it was a soul searching journey. That's hilarious considering she flopped out of the gate and was given chance after chance until she became a very competent and accomplished Food Network host. And oh the challenges. The stupid, inane Top Chef style challenges with ridiculous parameters. Only occasionally interrupted by a challenge that related to hosting a Food Network show. The first challenge where Colombe's team blew chunks and Patrick and Vivien left. And then the Bon Appetit challenge where Rory's ribs won and Nikki left. Aaaaand another BS challenge where they have to sell their food at a New Jersey Nets game. Colombe gets the hook on that one. The Fort Dix challenge where Amy starts with all the fancy schmancy and oh the tears. THE TEARS! The lovable Michael gets the boot. The next episode is the on camera challenge of woe where noone does well and Amy goes on and on about missing her family and not wanting to be there. Adrien and his lack of cooking gets kicked out. And the redemption of Amy with the Iron chef challenge. It seemed that Amy sucked all of competence from the other contestants. Eveyone else sucked but Paul sucked harder with his "plummy!" Finally the Rachael Ray challenge where everyone bugs but somehow Rory lands on Top and Amy gets kicked off. BUUUUT JAG's lies catch up with him and he "resigns."

We then go to the live studio with Marc and the two finalists. Both of them are gracious but they have some serious fashion mistakes. Amy is wearing a lovely little black dress spoiled by some bizarre crocheted neckline. Rory is wearing a lovely kimono style top with crazy ass culottes that make her normally thin legs looks stumpy. I wish Rory would pull her hair back in a ponytail because she looked great on the Iron Chef challenge. After commercial, they get asked about how their lives have changed because of NFNS. Amy talks about getting accosted in a grocery store. Rory gets asked about her town rooting for her. Rory responds with a heartwarming story of how the town of Vega didn't have the Food Network on their cable provider. Through much begging from the residents of Vega, the cable provider put the Food Network on the cable listing - channel 99. I'd like to bring up this little tidbit that New Jersey Rory came to Vega because she was on ANOTHER reality show called Popularity Contest, where out of towners have to live and suck up to the residents of Vega for $100,000. she came in second. Ooooh! BUUUUURN!

In her segment, we see Rory's boyfriend Klay and her life in Vega, Texas. She hangs out with cowboys and decided to pack up all her stuff and move to Vega. Scenes of Rory grilling. But then we see Rory with designer sunglasses talking on her cellphone. At the opening of her restaurant, Boot Hill, she serves, chicken won tons (and ode to JAG?), steak, bacon wrapped shrimp (ok enough with the bacon wrapping), and her rustic bruschetta. Rory is happy that the trays come back empty. There's some old guy who says he was too macho to watch Food Network but then Rory was on it and then it was acceptable.

Back in the studio Rory is asked what she learned on the show. She says she learned patience. In the audience are her divorced parents and their respective spouses, her sibling, and her boyfriend. Amy's asked whether it's easier to raised cattle or children, Amy says cattle. Another segment on Rory talking about how important traveling is for her, courtesy of Hilton.

Back in the studio, Marc points out that this will be the first time a woman will win NFNS. Marc asks Amy about her role as a Mom of the contestants. Then we get her segment. She's a third generation San Diegan and the whole thing is refreshingly normal. She's driving her kids around. She takes them to the beach. She and her kids love the kids and did she name her son "INDIANA?????" She's so relxaxed at the beach. We get a gander at Amy's house which is located on the same property as her parents. It appears the whole family lives on that property and Amy calls it a compound. If she wasn't so relaxed and normal in this segment I would totally bristle upon hearing the word compound. She makes a beautiful salad with spinach and avocado. I love Amy a little bit more because she's one who who makes things and shows her family members how she does it. I have many happy memories of showing my cousins how to make creme anglaise to go over an apple tart. I also love how she treats INDIANA in the kitchen. He's helpful and she's really responsive to him. She also admits she's never grilled before NFNS. Amy's mother and father credit her with being the social director of the family. Then a little confessional of her much younger sister who seems a little stoned. Absent form the segment is her French husband.

In the studio, Amy talks about her sibling's food pickiness. In the audience are Amy's mother, sisters, and aunt. And NO HUSBAND? Any inside scoop? The ousted contestants come out in the order they were ousted. Niiki is wearing a hideous denim smock that makes her look huge, and she is not a huge person. Amy talks about her love of traveling, courtesy of Hilton.

In the reunion show, Paul congratulates the two finalists. Ok it's time for the living together segment. Tommy jokes about his snoring. I kind of love him now. Then there's that bit about Amy talking in her sleep. And another bit about Paul, Michael, and Adrien being shirtless all the time. Paul is a lot more ripped than Adrien, which is saying a lot. Marc Summers ribs Michael about the shirtless thing and Michael says "when you're 50 and fit, you want to show it off." Adrien gets asked about Tommy's snoring and responds by saying that Tommy provided earplugs.

We review the wedding challenge and Paul and Nikki not mentioning the chicken stock in polenta issue. Nikki responds by making Paul the fall guy. Then there the rehashing of Colombe's duplicity in the NBA challenge and AMy reading Colombe the riot act. Colombe does the it's a competition" excuse. A review of meatloafgate at Fort Dix. JAG and Paul really laugh that off. Paul and JAG really like each other. That's really great. Marc asks JAG about his stuff and JAg gives a "it ain't over" answer. JAG says working with Paul was the most fun for him. Rory says that her toughest challenge was the Iron Chef one where she bombed. Amy chimes in that it was a tough challenge.

Another segment on the contestants being goofy and the mess ups happening with the contestants and the judges. Paula tells Giada she has green in her teeth. Much dancing by Tommy. In the studio Tommy is asked to dance and finally does it when Adrien pulls him up. Then there's Nikki spilling her dessert in front of Bobby Flay. Nikki says that Paul made her do it.

After commerical, we get the segment on the judging. Many confessionals about the evaluations being a pressure cooker. And there's the jack russell terrier comment from Bob. And a cavalcade of the crying and Amy's "I don't want to be here" comment. In the studio, Bob, Suzy and Bobby Flay come out. Bobby humbly says that he would have ended up seventh because he wouldn't have done well in the commentary and wedding cake challenge. Bobby says that they are lucky because they can watch the Food Network and study it. Bob kisses some contestant ass. Patrick says that his wife gave birth after he returned. The contestants get to question the judges. Colombe asks what was the hardest challenge for the judges. Bob just says it was hard being a judge. Paul says the jack russell association is angry at Bob. And also asks Suzy for advice. Suzy responds by saying he needs to beef up his culinary expertise.

Another segment on the oustings. Much hugging. Adrien and Tommy have a HoYay moment when they are hugging and Adriens says that Tommy is the greatest person ever. Ever. Ever. Still hugging. Even more crying. Paul and JAG hugging and being kind of aawesome to each other. AAAWWW. My heart isn't made of stone.

Finally it's time for the decision. Emeril comes out and brandishes the keys to the big ol' car. And then the wizened President of the Food Network comes out and congratulates the Amy and Rory. Bobby Flay presents Emeril with the Golden Envelope. Emeril and Bobby open the envelope together and....it's AMY! Thank god for that. Rory looks devastated and Suzy then Adrien are trying to comfort her. The entire cast of the Food Network are tryng to comfort Rory. It's kind of ridiculous. Well there it is. Thank you to the Food Network editors for making me love Amy in the last three episodes.